I wish I only lived at night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
