His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize