But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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