This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
