Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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