I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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