I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
