at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
