Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
