Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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