I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
