Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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