Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
