Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
