If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
