i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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