Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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