Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A bitchslap is in order.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
