She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
