Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
