Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I die, sorry about rent.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
