i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize