A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
