hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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