you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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