Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
