I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
