The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
