I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
