who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
