he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
