Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
