only you would photoshop your dick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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