Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
