how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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