all she had left on were here heels. phone five
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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