omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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