dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize