I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can Purell be used as lube?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My dick has a subreddit
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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