so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
