i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
