I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The Olympian is in my bed
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