I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
