Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize