I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
