mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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