Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
