The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
