ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
