one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
