He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
