Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
