why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
