The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
