if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
