Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
