If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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