anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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