I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
