I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
