Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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