I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
