so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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