Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize