So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
