fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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